I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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