U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
