why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
