I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
