Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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