I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
