I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
