Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
