yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
