I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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