I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
