I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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