ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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