That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
