I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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