I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
