So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
