I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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