im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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