Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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