i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
