Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
