Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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