hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
