careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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