she looked like the before picture.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
