Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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