You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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