Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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