I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
