What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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