Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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