yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
