it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
