my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
