Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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