Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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