She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
