im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
