I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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