I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
