bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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