the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
