i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
