now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
