Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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