brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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