if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
