ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
