I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
