Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
