I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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