Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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