When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
