I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
