We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
