in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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