Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
